10 Keys To Successful Living
10 – Cultivate Contentment
Ex 20.17

Over the last couple of months we’ve been working our way through the Ten Commandments in a series called “Ten Keys for Successful Living” and now we’ve come to the end. Most weeks we’ve read through the passage in Exodus 20 together. This week, as we close the series, we’re going to begin with a quick review of what we’ve covered.

·          Be clear on who’s in charge (no other gods)

·          Don’t chase shadows (no idols)

·          Mind your tongue (don’t take God’s name in vain)

·          Take time out (keep the Sabbath)

·          Remember where you came from (honour parents)

·          Treat life as precious (don’t murder)

·          Affair-proof your marriage (don’t commit adultery)

·          What’s yours isn’t mine (don’t steal)

·          Speak the truth (don’t give false witness)

This week we’ll be looking at the tenth commandment, “You shall not covet your neighbor’s house. You shall not covet your neighbor’s wife, or his manservant or maidservant, his ox or donkey, or anything that belongs to your neighbor.”

Now, I have a confession to make. If you look at many of the sermons written on this verse, especially by people of my generation and later, you’ll often find that they focus on criticising Western materialism. In fact, and here’s the confession, before I did any study on this passage I was kind of assuming that that would be where this sermon went. Then I actually began looking at the text, and especially at the Hebrew word translated as “covet,” and I began to learn a few things.

The problem isn’t wanting “stuff”

Webster’s dictionary defines covet as: “to wish for enviously, to desire inordinately or culpably.” That sounds pretty negative. In fact, I think the only time I’ve ever heard the word used positively is in an expression that is peculiar to some sections of the church where people say, “I covet your prayers” which means “please pray for me.”

But when I looked at all the places where the Hebrew word appears in the Old Testament (Bible study software is amazing) I found that it isn’t nearly so cut and dried. Of the 20 or so times that this word appears, the NIV translates it as “covet” for about 1/3 of them. The other 2/3 of the time it’s translated much more positively, as “desire” or something similar.  

Psalm 19:10, talking about the commandments of God says, “They are more precious than gold,” The King James Version is closer to the original with “They are more to be desired than gold.” It’s used of God himself when Jerusalem is described in Ps 68:16 as, “the mountain which God desires to dwell in.” In Song of Songs the bride delights to be in the presence of the bridegroom.

Then there’s a whole raft of places where a related word is used to describe things that are “desirable,” or “valuable,” including the promised land itself, vineyards, precious stones, spices, all kinds of “stuff.” Including the trees in the garden of Eden in Genesis 2:9 And the Lord God made all kinds of trees grow out of the ground—trees that were pleasing to the eye and good for food.

So, I had to come to the conclusion that it isn’t inherently wrong to want stuff. That was something of a revelation for me. I’ve always assumed that it was somehow better to do without something than to have it. I’ve always felt a little guilty for wanting something for myself. I always felt that I had to make an argument that it was useful in some way. But what I see here is that desire (wanting stuff) is a natural part of being human. We’re supposed to enjoy God’s creation, and desire is part of that. In fact, he puts things in creation (like the trees in the garden) that are desirable – he made them that way.

And that’s good, because we value things based on how much we desire them. That’s why the English Bible translates this word in some places as “precious,” or “valuable.” This week we observed Remembrance Day and there was a lot of talk about how precious freedom is. Something is only precious to us if we desire it, and its value is measured in how much we are willing to give to get it, either for ourselves or for someone else. That’s true for something as profound as freedom, and there have been many conversations over the past week about people who paid for our freedom with their lives. It’s true about something as mundane as grocery shopping (you’re only willing to spend money on food you want to eat). It’s even true about Christmas presents. We all know the difference between an enthusiastic, “it’s just what I wanted” and a polite, “oh, thank you.” If there’s no desire, there’s no value.

We’re Christians, not Buddhists. Buddhism teaches that all desire is wrong and that desire (along with ignorance) is the root of all suffering. So Buddhists seek to remove all desire from their lives. (I’m still trying to figure out how so many Hollywood celebrities can claim to be Buddhists while living lives of conspicuous consumption. Maybe, like alcoholics, they tell themselves they can walk away from it any time they choose.)

But the goal for us as Christians is not to remove desire, even though much of the church for much of history has taught that any kind of desire is wrong. But it’s clear from scripture that to do that, to seek to remove desire from our lives, would be to make us less than human and reduce our ability to enjoy God’s good creation. Our goal is to learn how to manage desire well; to manage it in a way that is healthy. And that’s what the tenth commandment is about.

The problem is our attitude to what others have

Our text reads,“You shall not covet your neighbor’s house… etc” But we just established that the word translated “covet” is usually translated “desire.” So, we can read this as, “You shall not desire your neighbor’s house. You shall not desire your neighbor’s wife, or his manservant or maidservant, his ox or donkey, or anything that belongs to your neighbor.” When we do that, the focus changes and we see that the issue isn’t desire itself. It isn’t about wanting things, it’s about wanting things that belong to someone else.

We’ve seen over the last few weeks that many of the commandments are aimed at our relationships with those around us. I didn’t just pull the title “Keys to successful living” out of the air. The Ten Commandments really are ways to live well; with God and with others. And we’ve seen that a major key to living well with others is having relationships that are marked by trust.

The tenth commandment has the same focus. The issue isn’t desire itself, whether for a house, a wife, or anything else. The issue is what that desire does to our relationships with those around us.

Most of the commandments have to do with things that we do; things that other people can see or hear.  Don’t make idols. Don’t use God’s name in vain. Don’t work all the hours God sends. Don’t disrespect your parents. Don’t murder. Don’t commit adultery. Don’t steal. Don’t lie. All of those are ways of behaving that people can see or hear. But the first and last commandments have something in common; they are both about internal attitudes. At one end you have “you shall have no other gods.” At the other end you have “you shall not desire what belongs to your neighbour.” Both are internal attitudes. The people around you can see and hear what you say and do, but no-one but you and God really know what is in your heart. No-one but you and God know if he is really first in your life; and no-one but you and God know how you really feel about the prosperity of your friends and neighbours.

Things

It can be material prosperity. That’s pretty easy to identify. You shall not desire your neighbor’s house… their ox or donkey, or their car, or their computer, or their stereo, or their cell phone, or their cottage, or anything that belongs to your neighbor.

Relationships

It can be something that’s a bit more difficult to put your finger on, their prosperity in relationships. You shall not desire your neighbor’s wife, or their husband, or their circle of friends.

Success

Or it can be something even more difficult to identify, their success. How do you feel when someone else does well? Maybe they got the promotion that you were hoping for. Maybe they got onto the team and you didn’t. Maybe they were able to buy a nice house and you’re still stuck in the old place you’ve been living in forever. Maybe they just bought a new car and you’re still driving an old clunker. Are you happy for them? Or do you feel that you have somehow become less because they’ve succeeded and you haven’t? What does that do to your relationship with them?

Comparisons are poison to relationships

Often, where there should be an open, honest relationship, we end up comparing ourselves with other people, and we’re always the ones who come up short. Not because we’re always worse off, but because it isn’t about the facts of the matter, whether in balance one of us is better off than the other. It’s about my attitude, “they have something and I want it.”

This hankering for something that someone else has can be the starting point for breaking a whole bunch of commandments.

In 2 Samuel 11 and 12 we read the story of David and Bathsheba. David sees Bathsheba, the wife of one of his generals, taking a bath and he wants her. It didn’t matter that David already had multiple wives of his own. He wanted Bathsheba, and what the king wants, the king gets, and so he takes her. Breaking the 10^th commandment (coveting his neighbour’s wife), leads to breaking the seventh (adultery), then the sixth (murder), as he arranges the death of his general to cover his own sin.

In 1 Kings 21, king Ahab wants a piece of land that belongs to his neighbour. It doesn’t matter that he already had huge estates, he wanted Naboth’s vineyard. By the time he’s done, he’s broken the ninth commandment by framing his neighbour for blasphemy, and the sixth by having him executed.

Longing to have something that belongs to someone else doesn’t always end in someone’s death, but it is poisonous to a relationship, because we end up always comparing ourselves with other people and comparisons and competition are poison to relationships.

I’m not talking abut competition in its appropriate place, like the hockey arena or the baseball diamond. I’m talking about the kind of competition that’s described as “keeping up with the Joneses” where you’re always checking your house, your car, against your friend or your co-worker. That destroys community.

And, just in case you’re wondering, pastors aren’t any different. What is one of the first things that pastors want to know about other churches? “How many people are in the service on a Sunday morning?” We want to get some idea of how well or badly we’re doing in comparison with someone else. One of the great things about being part of TrueCity is the diversity of churches that are involved. It helps to kill this spirit of competition between pastors.

Finding the antidote

So, what’s the antidote to this poison or comparison and competition? I’d like to suggest two things, one has to do with our attitude to others and one has to do with our attitude to ourselves.

Celebrate success

In terms of our attitude to others, we need to learn to celebrate other people’s success. For some of us that comes naturally. As a counsellor, this is what Marilyn lives for, to see other people succeed. But you don’t have to be a counsellor to develop this attitude. It’s at the core of how Jesus taught us to live. He said “love your neighbour as yourself” and “treat others as you would have them treat you.”

So, when someone else at work is promoted, choose to be happy for them. If someone gets a new car, be happy for them, celebrate their success, take joy in their achievement.

Cultivate contentment

But this commandment is mainly about our attitude to our own situation. If we get that attitude right it will go a long way to dealing with any feelings of jealousy or wanting what others have. But how do you actually cultivate contentment? Here are some ideas.

Learn to live in the here and now

Learn to live in the here and now. This is something I struggle with (I tend to live in the future) but Marilyn has it down to an art. Listen to what Jesus says, ²⁵ “Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear... ²⁶ Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? … ²⁸ “And why do you worry about clothes? See how the lilies of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. ²⁹ Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these… ³¹ So do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’… ³³ But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. ³⁴ Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.”

A lot of our unhappiness and dissatisfaction in life is caused by two things: regrets we have about missed opportunities and past failures, and worry about tomorrow.

Most of us have a difficult time letting go of past failures. We remember them vividly. At least I do. We play our past mistakes over and over again in our heads, like a favourite video, thinking, “If only I hadn’t done that. If only I had said something different. If only I had acted more responsibly, or kept my commitment, or done the right thing on that occasion. If only I’d done things differently, then, things would be so much better now.” That’s the kind of trap we set for ourselves, not realizing that obsessing about past mistakes ruins our here and now.

Or we can spend all our time thinking about the future, worrying or planning, it doesn’t make much difference. To quote Yoda talking about the young Luke Skywalker, “This one a long time have I watched. All his life has he looked away... to the future, to the horizon. Never his mind on where he was.” But the truth is that, to quote John Lennon, “Life is what happens while you’re busy making other plans.” In Phil 4.10 Paul says he has “learned to be content whatever the circumstances” he finds himself in. We need to learn to see ourselves being satisfied right here, right now.

Learn to tell the difference between needs and wants

We can learn to tell the difference between needs and wants. Paul wrote to Timothy, “Since we entered the world penniless and will leave it penniless, if we have bread on the table and shoes on our feet, that’s enough” (1 Tim. 6:7, The Message).

Now, I know that for some people even that is a struggle. But, even so, knowing the difference between needs (like food, shelter, and clothing) and wants (like a steak dinner, a big house, and designer jeans) goes a long way towards helping us be content with what we have and grateful for anything beyond that.

Don’t take yourself too seriously

Finally, we can learn not to take ourselves too seriously. One of my favourite quotes from GK Chesterton is, “Angels can fly because they take themselves lightly.”

Too often we miss the joy in life because we take ourselves too seriously. We have overblown ideas of our own importance. But if we see our relationships to other people, or to institutions (like work) in the proper perspective, we’re free to live a more contented existence.

Conclusion

The Ten Commandments end as they begin, with a principle that addresses our hidden, personal attitudes. They begin with our attitude towards God. Do we really have him at the centre of our lives? They end with our attitude towards those around us. Do we see them as competitors for things, for money and for advancement, or do we really have their best interests in mind?

These 10 Keys to Successful Living are intended to shape us to be more like Jesus, to be people who reflect the character of God into the world. We can only do that as we submit our lives to him and allow him to change us by his grace into the people he wants us to be.